Los Angeles

Andy Milonakis - Pay Up Bee Head!

nobody@vox.com(Snackmaster) — Thu, 04 Sep 2008 12:21:56 -0700

Like the Legend of Billie Jean before me, I'm here to set the record straight. Andy Milonakis, you creepy fat kid of MTV's yesteryear, owe my friends $240. What's fair is fair!

Not too long ago, two friends of mine were walking down Melrose Ave. just west of La Brea. As they stepped off the sidewalk (at a crosswalk with a green WALK signal) a car came ripping up the street attempting to make a right turn on top of their faces, and forcing the pair to quickly retreat back onto the sidewalk. The car (a black boxy Scion) was blasting reggae and being driven by a renegade overgrown 12 year old, aka Milonakis.

Once they were out of harm's way, the couple proceeded to cross the street. Upon reaching the safety of the other side of the sidewalk they were immediately approached by LAPD who then ticketed them each with a $120 citation! Fuck that. Those are Milonakis's tickets. If he hadn't nearly run over the two, they could have crossed the street in time.

Hit me up Milonakis. We'll take care of business.

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Chad Lowe Looks Tom Ka YUM

nobody@vox.com(Snackmaster) — Tue, 02 Sep 2008 13:08:13 -0700

Someone got the looks in the divorce

I got my Thai food grub on in the presence of (2nd degree) greatness last night. While waiting for a table at Cholada Thai, Chad Lowe meandered in and politely put his name on the wait list - Chad, 2.

Instead of dropping the, "Don't you know whose brother I am?" or "Don't you know who I used to be married to?" lines, Chad waited it out with the rest of the plebs. And did so while looking especially cute. He has finally outgrown the look that launched his career as, 'that guy that had AIDS that dated Kellie Martin on that show with Corky.'

Also, the plus one Lowe was eating with looked like a normal, cute, girl - except that she was decked out in a $200 Free City hoodie. Which I was totally jealous of.

So 90s

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Janice Dickinson Struts Her Crazy Ass at the Gym, Looks "Gross"

nobody@vox.com(Snackmaster) — Thu, 21 Aug 2008 15:19:39 -0700

The face of crazy

Janice Dickinson used to be hot. But most people who are young enough to know how to find this blogpost on the internets are too young to remember that time. We only know her as the crazy bitch she is today.

Dickinson was spotted at Equinox West Hollywood at 9am this morning. 9am!? I would hate to be that assistant who had to get her out of her oxygen tank at that early hour. I'm sure said assistant comes prepared though - dressed in some sort of football/SWAT hybrid of a protective uniform.

My source reported that Dickinson was sans makeup (which she thought was an improvement for the world's first supermodel) but still looked,"totally gross." The Face of Crazy was heard asking someone else if they thought the Birkin Bag was worth the price. It is unclear if Dickinson was talking to an actual Birkin bag at the time.

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Do Lindsay and Sam Only Pretend to Not Hold Hands When Cameras Are Around?

nobody@vox.com(Snackmaster) — Mon, 18 Aug 2008 13:11:13 -0700

HLA

The hetero blogosphere is buzzing with "news" that Lindsay Lohan and her DJ bestie are fighting and that furthermore, another lady-lover (who traded down for Tila Tequila) was the first to browse Lindsay's rack. But according to an East Side Snacker source, all appears to be fedoras and scowls as usual in Sapphic Celebrityville.

Lindz and Sam were spotted dining at Fred 62 yesterday afternoon. Source reports that Lindsay was wearing a black tank top and that Sam was in white, topped off with her signature fedora. Also joining them was a mysterious guy in a navy suit. According to my source, the girls were not holding hands and looked, "Kinda beat, maybe tired. Or hungover?"

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Black and Boobed

nobody@vox.com(Mexid Cocktail) — Thu, 14 Aug 2008 11:00:58 -0700

Someone go to Burger King and tell Elvira, Mistress of the Dark, to go get her titties back on T.V.

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Fisher Stevens is an F-List Hummingbird and Not a Real Indian

nobody@vox.com(Snackmaster) — Thu, 31 Jul 2008 12:17:37 -0700

Matzah ball chutney

I was a pretty smart kid. Always aware of my surroundings. Watched adult TV shows like Moonlighting and Cheers. Read books and judged other little kids for using bad grammar and not knowing who Nadia Comaneci was. But I had NO IDEA until last Friday night that the Indian guy from Short Circuit was not a real Indian, but some Jewish guy from Chicago.

Fisher Fucking Stevens, aka Steven Fishbaum, was at The Pali House having drinks with a few twatty looking girls when our table spotted him and immediately got on their Blackberrys and iPod Touches to finger out exactly why he looked so familiar. We were a few drinks in when one of us figured out who he was and blurted his name like she had just won a cruise Bingo game.

He totally heard us talking about him and when the faux Indian walked by our table on his way to the bathroom, he lingered around us like a hummingbird for a few seconds, made a weird hand gesture, and then continued on his way to the bathroom. What the fuck was that?

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Trumbles

nobody@vox.com(Mexid Cocktail) — Tue, 29 Jul 2008 12:35:53 -0700

I'm eating toast and prayin Buddah doesn't strike us down because Tori Spelling lives in California. Ain't that a bitch.

Happy tree friends -earthquake

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SMOKEY

nobody@vox.com(Mexid Cocktail) — Sat, 26 Jul 2008 16:06:52 -0700

Russ took me to the Smoke House restaurant Friday night. The Smoke House garlic bread has taken on proportions of an Urban Legend. Still trying to find out if the secret ingredient is meth, baby stem cells, or sweet memories of losing my virginity. Whatever it is, I'll threaten to slit the throat of anyone (only two people are said to know how to make it) to find out. I had the Lobster Thermador special with 1950's, old style Steak House, creamed spinach and Russ had Prime Rib (endcut) and something else or another and some kind of brulee for dessert, I didn't care, all I cared about was the orange tinted garlic bread filling my Happy Place when it came to the table late.

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Paula Abdul - Big Head, Bigger Hair

nobody@vox.com(Snackmaster) — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 10:47:47 -0700

Bedazzled flat iron equals crazy brillz

Sunday night, source Dr. K was chillaxin' at the Sherman Oaks Galleria (a mall made famous by Fast Times at Ridgemont High, but in recent years has been torn down to nothing but a Cheesecake Factory and a parking lot - sad) when she spied, in her words, a big ass head walking (wobbling?) by her.

That head was atop the slurry midget better known as Paula Abdul. Dr. K couldn't get over how big Abdul's hair was. Obvs she was not using that flatiron (see ---------->) that day. According to Dr. K, Abdul looked, "sorta out of it" but pulled herself together enough to put on a decent pair of jeans and heels. Good for her.

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Need a Ride from the Airport? Samm Levine is Your Go-To Geek

nobody@vox.com(Snackmaster) — Tue, 22 Jul 2008 11:36:23 -0700

Great geek

I just came back from the (hot as balls) East Coast and while I didn't have any luck mingling with Lower East Side-dwelling celebs, I did spot a Judd Apatow fave at the Burbank Airport (which is not much of an airport, more like a taco stand with a plane).

Samm Levine, the geek on Freaks and Geeks who would have been dropped by his senior year by the other geeks for being too geeky, was picking up a friend at the Terminal A baggage claim. Levine was dressed in a t-shirt, jeans, baseball hat, and the piece de resistance, BIRKENSTOCKS! He looked like a kid I would have (regrettably) made out with at camp. In 1993.

According to IMBD, Levine's got a few projects in the can, so I'll assume the friend he was picking up was indeed a friend, and not a customer of his airport delivery service.

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